Story behind the fact

2012-01-30T00:43:00.001+08:00

Part of me felt sad that my favourite boy is not working at holland anymore. We will be far apart and not gonna meet up everyday. I will miss the sneaking part just to meet him at the back of our shop or going home together.

I must admit that i fall hard on him an i couldnt explain why. He can be bitter but sometimes the sweeter are way amazing than i thought.

No matter how mad i get with him, i will ended up in his arms and loving him again. Yes, it sound really mushy here. This transform you into something else when you're into someone that is important to you.

And one of the night, i told myself i wouldnt give up on anything especially him.

2012-01-26T23:09:00.001+08:00

I didnt know it was real. It was the fact it is the truth that just slap you hard. It wont go anywhere and why the fuck im here in the first place? When i see now is just plain jane, what would i see in future? This doesnt make sense. But a real disappointment. I dont know where it take me, something in me give up so soon

Nothing good to say

2012-01-26T00:34:00.001+08:00

Life is good. Except for the fact that i'm struggling to find money to go and upgrade myself. Working part time only support my monthly expenses with boyfriend too. Well, it's vice versa if you get what i mean. We support each other. We are like twins from different parents.

Mu exam is coming soon. Especially Anil's exam. Frustrating much, i will do my best to pass the second attempt and no way, i m gonna sit in his class again.

What else should i say here?
Ummmmm

Okay bye

To you

2012-01-22T01:05:00.001+08:00

I am very thankful that i found someone. Not to brag but i could count my blessing that god give me. I couldnt thank HIM more. It's like someone from above watching and taking care of me, sending me a family that is full of warmth and love.

May god bless them always.

Love you my only one.

There will be no sunlight, if i lose you

2012-01-20T22:44:00.001+08:00

It's weird when my friends wanted to see how is my boyfriend look like and how compatible is he with me. Some do says that i could get better than this , some were happy for and some just kept quiet. The truth is when i choose him, i didnt go for the looks nor body. Well, it is a bonus point if he have one.

To me, his characteristic do stand up and the beauty of his soul within is always be the upmost important thing that make me fall for him. He is not a boy. He is a man. He treat me like a lady. It is unspeakable.

Our differences and our thoughts make us more closer to each other.

Whats the point of getting a good looking guy but couldn't take good care of you and love you always like you wanted?
I had enough dating around, being with some dude that could melt you all the way but i refuse to be with them.
Why?
Simple. They are not man enough and treat you not the way you wanted.

Im glad to have Syahid as my boyfriend. As he willing to accept the negative side of me as well as the positive side.

I am thankful for everything. I couldn't believe that we're gone this far together. And soon, it will be the seven, in a matter of days.
And im excited in the years to come. Insya allah.

Love you my annoying half, syahid.

2012-01-20T00:19:00.001+08:00

Thoughts do kills. Imagination and wild guesses destroy. Why?

Things that i could remember

2012-01-17T00:41:00.001+08:00

It wasn't my first time doing a presentation in class. I am loud and very open minded to everyone.

It was different yesterday. As i stand in front of everyone and tell them about the sickness i had before my mum give birth to me where my doctor suspect i had it. He was right! I couldnt remember who told me but all i remember that mum keep crying to dad and wanted to abort me but it was a sin. She kept me inside her for 9 months. And when i was born, i knew i had to accept life as well as i need to accept death too.

Well, my lecturer could hear the nervous in my voice and pauses that i made when i start to open my mouth. He knew i wanted to cry. He asked me to calm down and take a few deep breathe. He said, "it was okay. You're doing good."

At least they know that my sickness is not contagious and it cant be spread.
They are aware of it. When thy found someone like me in life, they could hand out their hand and say, " everything gonna be just fine"

Sometimes, before i hit to bed, i tend to cry. I think of death and people who have left. I wonder how they are doing there.
I'm not afraid of death. I'm afraid of two things.
I'm afraid of how am I going to die and how do the people that i love will cope to this.

Like Kubler ross said, "Death is Just the beginning"

Sigh...... Life is interesting as it is.
No one says life is easy.
Sometimes i took the chance to appreciate everyone in life and spend time with them. Time keep ticking. I dont know how many times i tell them that i love them especially to my family, my boyfriend and my close ones. It may directly or indirectly.

My childhood wasn't great after all. I am happy child at times. My mum would pampered me a lot when i am way much younger. Dad would give me the cold shoulder or the look that i should influence mum to buy toys for me. Barbie was my favourite. I could remember that look that dad gave to me in my mind.

Things start to become sour at the age of 9 or 10. I was close to death. So close that i didnt care about my flesh and blood. I was a few cms hang in the air. Trying to find air to breathe. My throat was nearly choked. I couldnt talk. My nose was bleeding. I dont remember what crime i did. But i dint died as someone stop.

It didnt stop there......
Somehow, i felt i was a burden.
Sometimes i wonder.......
Sometimes i refuse to tell anyone.

It not as important as it seem.

I'm twenty this year. Life ahead is clear. I had someone beside me now. He is raise by a queen and taught well by a king to treat a girl nicely and protect them. I'm proud of him. He is not perfect but his imperfection and characteristic is a beauty.

Some things about him could be alter and change to shape things up and make future bright for him. I'll always go an extra mile to think and care about his future and health. I always concern about this two things. I couldnt help it to just sit and watch him walk the wrong path of life as if it was okay. It is hurtful to see and watch.

Sometimes, our argument could heat up but one of us would apologize. Sometimes, both would apologize. It work vice versa.

He is lovely,really. I wonder where we gonna lead to in life. I shall not wish for things. i want the best for us. No matter how bad things could go wrong and life turn against us, i will still br here and welcome with open arms. Be it if someone else could be your happiness. I'm not going anywhere.

I'm always here from where i started.

Words are not enough to describe how i feel. Not even expression or action.......

Yours truly,

You and me against the universe

2012-01-14T00:54:00.001+08:00

I feel contented and bless. I am glad that i found someone that is lovely. I wish i could keep him till eternity, infinity and the list goes on. Nothing better i could wish for then asking the best and happiness. Insya-allah.

Baby

2012-01-04T21:07:00.001+08:00

I love this guy about half of my life. I couldn't lie about it. He can be super cute at times. Oh god, can you make our life easier in terms of our workaholic life?
I wish we could stay in one roof so we could see each other all the time
Sigh.

All i want is to spent my days with him now.

Trash

2012-01-04T16:58:00.001+08:00

Sometimes i feel like a trash.
It's upset me for it feel like something else become much more important.
Patience? Yes, there is. There's a certain extend to it.
You can do something about it or be the same. You control the life of your own.

The little girl hope

2012-01-01T22:08:00.001+08:00

When i was 5, i told my parents that i wanna be a Doctor to help others and make them proud. However, at the age of 15, i thought that Im not gonna be successful, not gonna reach my dreams and not gonna make my parents proud. I was wrong. That thought make me who i am today. To work harder and motivate me to reach my dreams. 2012, in months time, i'm graduating with diploma and getting a degree. I am proud that i've gone this far and keep having faith in myself for my parents and future. I thank God for everything and appreciate every single thing. Now, i'm looking forward to the future.

nothing

2011-12-18T02:09:00.001+08:00

How should I believe the words been said? How should I give my love instead?
I do not know who to turn to or what to do.

Maybe a lesson learnt that I shouldn't believe what people said.
Not all the words are the truth.
It hurt so bad especially coming from the love ones.

Sometimes, you cant trust the one you love when you found out something. And once you do, you don't even know where you stand and how you want to confront them. Sometimes, you just want to put it at the back of your mind and slip it off. Hoping it will get better in the future.

i'm just nothing.

:(

2011-12-14T00:31:00.000+08:00

some of the days, i just felt like i'm living with no direction and no sense of humour. Some of the days, I felt like I wanna die.
Most of the time, I felt a part of me died which make me feel there's no point to live. I lost it all, almost everything. Nothing left.

Nothing to give, appreciate or to love to people or to myself.

It's sad. Reallly it is. Where there's once in your life, you actually swear to yourself that it will never happen.
But when it happen, you just found yourself really dead and gone.

Some of the night you feel like crying. Some of the night, you just feel like staring out of the blue.

No one know how bad it feels like.

Regret? I wouldn't want to say that.

All i would want is to rewind the past back.

2011-12-06T00:14:00.002+08:00

At this point, i felt like crying to myself. Ive been talking to myself lately and many thought running in my mind with never ending criticism and worries.

Honesly, I could tell that I'm lost and I do not know what I want in life anymore.

2011-12-04T17:05:00.001+08:00

somehow I know where I stand. I feel like punching someone face till I'm satisfied. There's reason behind all these.
Fucking sick bout it.
just plain sick.
sometimes you don't say something to show how you feel. You just do it. They know.

It was suppose to be us

2011-12-04T09:02:00.001+08:00

I've been asking myself all along.

Why is it ME?

But not US?

Yes, I'll go haywire when I got to know it. Damn it.
It's over already.I should put it a side or maybe just side first. I'll handle later

Believe or Lying?

2011-12-01T00:47:00.003+08:00

How can I forget that it is Wednesday's night? No wonder Farah, Zim, Fauzan and the rest are at Zirca. Probably, I just skip it. I come clean for not touching any alcohol/ciggies for a month plus. I come really clean on ciggies but alcohol? I need to re-think about it again. Heh Heh Heh.

November had been fucked up moon soon season for Syahid and I. We suffered a lot. A lot of heart damages and aches were done on that month. Syahid's gut feelings was right even though I asked him not to believe in it. This make me listen to his gut feeling more.
And there it come, December. A month to go till 2012. A year start, new year resolution and a new beginning plus a year older. and a big two for me.

You probably heard me right if you follow me on Facebook. In years/months/days ahead, the status of being single will not be in my list anymore. Maybe? Hopefully? It depends on the situation.
I don't know what makes me decided to take this decision up. But it feel right when someone love you for who you are and you love the person the same way. And nothing beats anything else than that. I'm not telling you anything or to be sure. Thing might change or I might be kidding on this. Happy believing people !

2011-11-29T00:43:00.002+08:00

'Funny thought',I giggled. Hasina and I chat over facebook regarding personal matters that make me smiled. She is one of the kind. She's my counselor that I just hired months ago other than Mr Amir. It's nice to have some people around that you can count on, be it friends or more than that.

To be surely to keep you update, I'm contented but not just yet. There's something i got to do and plan for.

& how busy i could be, I always love Syahid and the thought of him in mind. "

2011-11-28T14:19:00.002+08:00

' " it's not good. no. It can't be happening. " I told myself that statement and repeated it over and over again while eating my salad spaghetti slowly at work. I've not been sleeping lately. It's been two days straight now. The appetite of eating is decreasing too. Once a day? probably a very small or quarter than usually I eat. This time, I tried to force myself to eat till finish. I failed. I can feel the food in my throat that refused to swallow.
Within days, I could actually tell that I will break myself into pieces even though I tend to look ok on the outside. Part of me died lately. I could literally feel inside of me. I wonder why it did. I tried to avoid that feeling where you don't know where you should go and what you should do. Reading is one way that I could drown my mind that float myself into the imagination. I don't know how long does this take to recover. But I shall be strong for now. '

the fifth

2011-11-28T00:00:00.001+08:00

" Out of my comfort zone, I tried to fit in places that I'm not even close there. Even out of the comfort zone, the best was there's part of it that keep me save and comfort throughout the night. So far away that couldn't reach and beyond my control that make me couldn't smile but the thoughts that count ; a day to remember, I told myself. I close my eyes on that very sofa, curled up and breathe slowly. Every detail of it, one way or another, I could feel the warm of embrace on my body and the love that was far of beyond the line and images that could make more than literally happy. It was something that I always lock my unconscious mind with that come alive and when I need it. At that moment when I think of it, I feel safe and secure. And wish upon the self ; the fifth♥. "

2011-11-27T18:41:00.002+08:00

' I curled up on the sofa,reading a book that made me engrossed and forget how time pass by so fast. I fall asleep without knowing. When I woke up, I feel the raining breeze blew my face. The rainy Sunday. '

On another note, happy fifth.

Faith

2011-11-27T03:10:00.002+08:00

I still have faith in us.

Missing him badly

Lost

2011-11-26T18:34:00.005+08:00

Time checked ; 6.30pm

I decided to go out from my house and out of my bed after being there and crying for hours. I've yet to consume any food. I'm less hungry and lose appetite.
I decided to roam around town to reminisce the moment I spent with Syahid. A lot of our days were spent in town.

When I walked towards OG,Starbucks, I surprised Amira who was at the cashier. She was jumping up and down when she saw me. She hug me tightly. Yes, we missed each other so much.
When she hugged, I actually teared a little. I need a hug now. And thats explain I'm blogging this at Og,Starbucks with my laptop.

After hours, being alone and not being with Syahid himself. I felt lost and feeble. I miss him real bad that I want to meet and hug him. I also realized that I love him more than anyone Ive dated or been with. I never cried for someone this bad before. I never scared of losing someone so bad that I really want things to work it out between us again. Five months being with him in a roller-coaster ride life was an amazing moment in life. I want us more than just 5. I want us to spent more than we could possible spent together with.
It's my fault for hurting him badly and unintentionally. I didn't mean to.
As corny as it may sound that I have to blog how i felt here because I don't actually talk this things to friends nor sisters anymore. I keep it to myself. And blog is where I come to. Because normally, He will be the one who make me happy and occupy most of our days together.

For now,
He need time on his own to think, he need space.
I hope he is doing alright there.

I don't feel like going home early even if I got no where to go. It doesn't matter anymore.

Nothing else matter when the only thing I want is us right now.

I love him more than I could love anything else.

2011-11-26T00:55:00.002+08:00

I'll still remember you told me not to let you go and I saw tears in your eyes. That day onwards, no matter what happen, I hang on. And we promise whatever happen, we stick with each other, be it as friends or lovers. Until I realized you give up first and let me go.

***************************************

I told you that we need time off.
I do really need that; to ask myself honestly.
You wouldn't understand how much November have hurt me ever-since that very day I cried in your arms the first time.
You just give up like that.

A part of that, it is my fault to keep you hanging.
I just don't know how to tell you. If only you know, i am very hurt despite everything.
Maybe we don't understand each other.

You said, You're done now.
I am a fool to still be in love with you when I'm not sure whether I want to be with you.
When I'm not sure about the future. I'm too afraid of that.

For a moment, I thought you're my everything.
Within second, I'm losing you.

Whatever decision you make,i hope you wont regret.
Thank you for everything.
One of another that won't be forgotten.

I'll be strong, hopefully.

2011-11-24T00:29:00.002+08:00

I still love you.
And all I want is to hug you and cry in your arms.
& never let you go

But part of me, stop me.

Good stuff back

2011-11-24T00:27:00.000+08:00

It's like you're screaming but no one can hear. You almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important, that without them, you feel like nothing. No one will ever understand how much it hurts. You feel hopeless, like nothing can save you. And when it's over and it's gone, you almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back so you can have the good

the birthday

2011-11-23T12:04:00.000+08:00

Hours passed, my birthday ended.
The only day that i feel very hurt as though sharp edges slide through the surface of this heart. As though, I could feel it again and again and never forget what happen.
I didn't ask for this. I didn't even want this to happen.
How can you?
I'm very disappointed. I'm very hurt to the point that I have to cry in front of the food in the afternoon and night on my birthday.
To a point that I am too tired and I feel so disappointed that I just walk in to the house quietly and sleep in my bed room that no one realized I'm actually at home until my maid told the family.

I cut the cake that have no candles. No wish, nothing. Give out to my family. Eat it with no appetite and went back to sleep again.
And I shall not brag or whine about how bad it is gonna be.

Something that use to make me smile all day long could hurt right through me and my soul and now, I couldn't feel the love again.
It felt so numb and lifeless that I do not know what to do anymore.
Where I am so tired to fight for it.

I don't deserve this. I deserve to be happy. I do not know why I'm holding on.
Why I need to convince myself.

However, I am thankful to God for keeping me in good health for the past 19 years of living and for giving me a good family to stay in. For keeping me safe all the time.

Rough times

2011-11-19T13:16:00.001+08:00

The only disappointment you could have when you want your love one to be a better person in life for the better of the future, the person itself and the people you love but your other half wants only happiness that can be seen on you.

& the only birthday celebration I gonna decide is to celebrate at home with bed and books.

I'm not in the mood anymore for 22nd. Don't bother.
Screw up plans. Screw up birthday.

Losing end

2011-11-16T22:58:00.000+08:00

Behalf of me wanted to give up and losing faith.
While inside of me, still loving you as always.

the sad end.

Some things that I wish for

2011-11-15T23:56:00.000+08:00

Goals

2011-11-15T16:27:00.001+08:00

Not even it reach New Year yet, I come up with a resolution or better yet, I called it, 'Goals'
To the point I think that I reached to and becoming an adult, I shall be independent.

As I decided to collect money and support myself.
Here I am today, being proud as I'm able to support myself and not asking my parents for money.
Some how or rather, when it's going to be end of the month, I'm going to be broke due to the luxurious item I've spent.

If you heard correctly, I'm going to New York City on a road trip from Oklahoma.
Pass through all six states by car! We haven't plan it right yet!
If it is a hassle, I will just booked a plan and fly there.

Since New York is where I want to go badly and my dream place to go when I was way back younger.
It motivate me to collect my own money.
Surprisingly, Dad supported me and agree to it!
This is because my two sister went overseas with their friends.
So, as always, like last year, I promise myself not to find a boyfriend and stick to my goals instead.
I'm doing again for the next few years.
I think, I will be single for 4 years by then. No boyfriend won't kill me.

And I have another goal.
To be skinny again. Umpteen times of saying that I will go on dieting or exercising, I never did.
But trust me,I will do it this time round.

As I am happy enough that I hit the fattest weight of all my 19 years of living.
You will be shocked if i tell you, i can gain weight about 5-10 kg in 11 months?
Without running and enjoying life.
I think I should stop now.

And so, I would start small goals now.
Every little fats that I shed will be an achievement!
Small goals will make you a long way.

And I won't trust people who says that "I'm not fat and such. You're body is just nice"
That's a lie bitch. You know that, don't you.
And I need people who motivate others. I love people who encourage others. Thank you.

2011-11-14T08:38:00.000+08:00

Do you have a friend who watch you literally grow up and spend most of your time together?

A friend that make you smile most of the time?

A friend that had feelings for you but never show them however you can feel it?

A friend that you will be happy if she/he went with someone else?

A friend that won't forget you no matter how busy life could be?

A friend that plan the future of kissing and fucking you and make it as a joke?

A friend that plan the future to migrate together and stay together as a room-mate?

A friend who tells you randomly that she/he love you at night and thank you for visiting/meeting them?

A friend that calls you babe or honey in american ways but suck a lot in their own mother tongue language?

A friend that can sit with you all day long and look at a particular nothing and laugh at empty spaces?

A friend that can play the nonsense game that you created yourself and make another creation by them-self too.

A friend who is restless,passionate and thoughtful and you realized of the 4 of the potential traits.

I have that friend for six years and make me fall in love over again and again and again.

& I smiled to myself when I got the message in the morning.

What if I told you that I fall in love with my own best-bud?

the key

2011-11-13T00:22:00.000+08:00

It's been a while, ive updated my blog to whine and complain about how imperfect my life is. How's my love fairytale is? How all of you readers been delude by it? Come on, it is just my love fairytale story. Not all fairytale have happy endings, they have bumpy rides too. For mine, sigh. However, I am thankful to god that I found a nice and patience guy like him who give me thousand of hugs and kisses and never-ending love. :)

You know, sometimes, people have to change to be better in future. To be pleasant in someone's eyes or anyone's else. Avoiding stereotypes and what type of people you will become. Sometimes, when a person nag at you not because the person will hate you or don't accept you for who you are. The person actually care for you a lot and want you to become better person in future. Well, it's an advise to them if they nag. It up to you to accept.

And patience is the key.

The sincere.

2011-11-04T01:05:00.001+08:00

Crying on the shoulder of your favourite boy with your favourite perfume linger on his t-shirt and unlimited kisses given on your forehead was a blessed. While he hugging you tightly, telling you that things gonna be ok even though you know that you treated him badly after a good long day. I have to fix myself eventually. I need someone to counsel me. Or i put myself in where I am suppose to be and build up my defense mechanism.

I tend to keep everything inside. I am used to it since young.
I used to be a stubborn and a naughty child when I was younger. My childhood background wasn't really nice. I didn't dare to tell anyone about it. A bad reputation could be done to both my parents and siblings. As far as I'm concerned, as I grew up, my life with them became better.

Whenever people make me angry, I either be cold-hearted and forget them or give them silence treatment, be ok in 20 minutes and keep to myself. That's a routine for my anger. I'm not good in talking depends on the person normally.
I write/type more than i usually talk. That's how I am.

The boy actually de-tour himself and meet me where I cried to myself for an hour or less. Before that, I give the boy 45 minutes of silence treatment due to some reason. Even tually, I need to fix myself up. I screw things up lately and I keep most things to myself that i bottle up and hurt him at the end of the day.

It was supposed to have perfect ending when we had a good day out. However, shit happens. So yes, it did, He came and pull me close to him and hugged me immediately. I cried after he did that. Asking me a few times what happen. I refused to tell.

He kissed my forehead repeatedly and hugged me tightly, telling me that things going to be okay and how much he love me. I cried again.

Never in life, someone told me that. Told me that things are gonna be okay even when it is not. Love me for who I am despite how mean i could be.

Guilt came. I can't forgive myself for hurting someone so bad. I could see it through his eyes.

He deserve better. I pray to God that somewhere along the book that HE had written for us in life, there's a part of it that the boy gonna get something meaningful and priceless in life. And I thanked God for meeting me with this boy who have been a great person throughout the time i know him.

In years to come and even afterlife,
I wouldnt want to forget this boy, I swear.

Not because of it is just words.
It is because of the deeds he did and the honesty that come from within.

Thank you for everything, Syahid.
I'm sorry if I hurt you and your feelings one way or another.
Thank you for being there when I'm in need eventhough you're tired.
I love you.

( I'm crying again while typing this.Swollen eyes for tomorrow. )

`the fourth

2011-10-29T01:33:00.002+08:00

i miss the eight of us including farah. Sigh. I miss us hanging out together and chill. Going out to the other side of the bridge and breaking rule. Partying all night until sun rise. I miss these pretty and handsome people. Today, it 1.19 am checked. I'm stucked with tissue together with the tiredness that i kept for 5 days of hard work. 5 days of squeezing my brainjuice out for lecture assignment. When only several of kind humans that work with me or from another group give me a helping hand. I am thankful that i have friends who actually care about each other. Sigh. Those days are the hell best time of my life.

28th will always be a date to remember. However, what if 28th keep pissing you off? Either one way or another, something are not right in between? Expectation leads to disappointment, i guess.

I do not know what else to do. The only thing, I know... I kept in the bottle nicely but one day for sure, it will break. I don't know when it will be or how it turn out to be.

Probably the best is to remember the good ol days.

`The fourth.

2011-10-25T00:15:00.000+08:00

DYING EVERY 30 SECONDS
INSIDE.

Period

2011-10-24T19:29:00.000+08:00

I know you have the right to feel that way. You are a human being who have feelings and heart. But I'm not too sure when you wanted to go overboard. Yes, I sound selfish. All i wanted to say is let them be. You know I've been contacting, going out and spending most of my entire world with you, why worry? When there's no one else I'm contacting with other than the cyber world? Is two different thing. Two different world.
You get what I mean?

Don't worry too much coz I won't mindfuck myself to leave unless I am sick of everything such as fights or wrongs and such.
But that hardly happen between us.

Currently, I'm down with slight come and go fever, flu and my backbone hurt badly. I'm weak and sometimes, i couldn't be bothered to do anything, or talk or argue. I just let it be. I've been over work and think a lot. Reading people's mind isn't my forte. I don't like to intrude their mind.
I don't like reading it too. Going into someone mind is really different when you come to know about their background and such.
Intrude their mind when they allow to. That's the rule. And when is there a need to intrude, go ahead. Be silent. Keep it to yourself.
Sigh....

I want myself to get better.Spare me time. I need more time. I'm tired of chasing, too tired.

2011-10-21T21:29:00.002+08:00

Nothing matters anymore.

He stand by me every time.
He don't deserve this.

On the other hand, I'm happy whenever I'm with him.
I can be myself when i'm with him.

Words can't describe how good he is as a person.

I love you, Syahid.

2011-10-21T19:33:00.001+08:00

I have no idea why i'm feeling this way. The feel of tired and sick of everything. The feeling of the past coming back. Well, they sound a like? What can i expect ?
Some times, I have no idea what I should do. Weep like a child one corner for having such fate,live with it or get up and move on as always.
I don't want to be a heartless person anymore.

One of the reason i wanna be single.

In track

2011-10-20T22:22:00.001+08:00

I've had back pain lately. Not really lately, it's been 3 weeks. I've yet to tell my folks about it because I think it's not important when Mum worries about Dad. And Dad in the oh-kay situation. My schedule has been hectic with school and project as usual!
I got nothing to update. Other than you readers want to know about the love life.

And I really hate it when people thought I'm attached and they stop contacting for thinking that I'm in a relationship. I mean, come on! Doesn't mean, I have someone in life or dating someone, you have to stop contacting me. Friends still friends!

I miss my girls. I miss clubbing. I miss the eight of us. I miss some people.
Life is sad, at times.

Curiosity

2011-10-15T23:11:00.001+08:00

Some things are not meant to be said.
Some things are meant to be let go.

Ultra

2011-10-14T00:37:00.002+08:00

It's been ten days, i didnt update my blog. I want to keep up where i stop however time doesn't allow me too. I wanna share with the world how good to be alive and thankful of what i have and who I am even though some times, life could be a rough edge for you.

Some people are there for you mentally and physically. Words are not really words. They show actions when they said it. They count on each other. Bitching and cares towards one another is part of our addiction. Laughter is part of our life. I thanked God that I met these people in life. I never regret meeting them,never. If one day, we have to separate due to certain reason, i will not forget these people and they will retain in the sub concious mind till the day I close my eyes forever.

My days were fully booked by visiting dad in the hospital, spending time with Syahid, working and schooling. Dad had been discharge from hospital. He is doing great now. He could literally joke about every single thing and demand things. It is his oppurnity to do it again. The last time he had that oppurtunity to demand almost everything to me was last two years. So, he took advantage. I could even joke with him about his operation and threatened him not to buy him a pack of ciggarates or not to give him a stick. He become much cooler than I thought. He doesn't give two shit about what happening to me either like my weird streaks at the side even mum will talk how weird can the daughter be. Doesn't mean he doesn't care, he doesn't love me anymore. He actually asked the important stuff. Priority first!

It's only on the 14 october, guess what?
I am fully booked the whole october. No kidding! By looking at my schelude, i am strangely clueless. I mean, am i that busy? till i'm fully booked?!

I went out with Syahid hours ago to watch Reel Steel and spent the whole day with the man. Before that, I finished up some project with the rest. We managed to finish up the survey and review.

Back to Syahid, urrrmmmmmm. where do we stop?
Oh yes, I spent the whole day with him until there is a part of the day, it went someway that we both do not want it to happen.
Whatever he did, reminds me of someone that i use to be in love with, hurt me so bad. The way he grabs, the way he says it etc. The those flashbacks make me be so dominant and quiet the whole time. All I want is to go home and sleep over it. The whole time, I was trying to come back over to the future than having flashback. The whole time, I am not listening to Syahid when he was talking to me, apologizing for his mistake.

I might snap the string of being ego and told Syahid that it is all over among us. However, my sub concious took over the unconcious mind. I come back to my senses after a hour later.

He had been very patience with me. He is nice and kind. The way he is made you feel like a blank slate. You could be yourself and not be ashame for whom you are. You can be silly whenever you like. You can tell him that you love him over and over again, he will not think that he tired of listening to it. He kissed every time without fail. Hold your hands and make you forget the insecurities. You can share secrets or check boys and girls with him. Even if he does care one or two shit about the guys you check out with but he knows, I would not go anywhere. He could be your friend. He could be your bestfriend and he could be your potential boyfriend. Syahid is a keeper.

So, he hugged and kissed my forehead a few time after i came back to my senses that I love him very much and I need him as much as he need me.
He asked me, "what i want?"
I replied, " Hyatt! A year, staying in hyatt hotel"
Ridiculoous! It's impossible to stay there with average income and living. He laughed.
He replied, " I couldnt afford that!"
So, I replied back, " but you ask me what I want? I told you that I want to stay in Hyatt hotel.... "

& he smiled again, hugged me tightly and i thought that everything fall into right pieces.

We went for dinner and meet the rest at straits record for his brother's wedding. After hours, I took cab home with fast and furious paid chauffer.

I realized that I am lucky to have a nice man that have no string attached but would last longer than any of you thought.
& how close i will be with his friends since i'm tailgating the man, himself.

And how i fall in and out of love again and again with him and never get tired with him.
Never fail to miss him. Never fail to love him. Never thought that I had enough meeting him.

Thank you for everything Syahid.

New face update

2011-10-13T23:57:00.005+08:00

NEW FACE UPDATE.

HEHEHE I STILL HAVE MY CHEEKBONE! NENEH POO POO!

2011-10-03T21:21:00.002+08:00

I don't know why my two random but use to be closest people ask me this.
One of them is my ex boyfriend. And another was just a random date.
I know they gonna read this. So yeah

Another one month, they know i'm gonna go missing.
In fact, I already went MIA.

Double check, next month will be on November.
Birthday month baby! it still damn early and yet, they keep asking me. Irritate me through facebook.

The funny thing about my birthday or the month,

1. I don't celebrate my birthday.

2. I never gotten really surprised on birthday.

( because failed. Last year, Tina, fiza and Aisyah wanna surprised me but i got to know it earlier. However, it touched me coz the whole family forgot my birthday and i was busy and it felt like it was a normal day. )

3. I never thought of what i want.

When i told them thatI do not know what I want, he asked me to put 19 wants on my birthday list in my blog. AND SERIOUSLY, I DONT EXPECT ANYTHING FROM MY BIRTHDAY.

But here is the birthday list.

******************************
***************************
**********************
*******************
***************
************
*********

I WENT BLANK.

2011-10-03T17:21:00.002+08:00

I like talking to myself even though there's someone on the other line.

At the end, I gave up and stood for myself.

& some of my days was happy. Happy teenage days falling in and out of love.
Chilling with friends and beer in our hands, listening to awesome music. Orgasm stuff.

Everything didn't last long.
All is temporary.

End of everything,

You end up being you.
Alone.
No one.

Trigger

2011-10-01T09:07:00.002+08:00

What I'm afraid of myself?

When someone trigger me to leave, I will take the words so seriously and I won't turn back and be the same anymore. The alter ego kills me that much. The alter ego side that you're yet seen.

And you know what scared me?

When you try to trigger me to do so.

& I don't know how long I can last whenever it happens. As long I can be patience and not sick plus tired of being that way, I will stay true.

But if I had it too much...............................................

& No matter how much Ive been hurt, I still in love with the same person.
The same person who took care of me and make me feel comfortable when Im insecure.
The same person whom I love from the start.

Other life.

2011-09-30T17:53:00.000+08:00

PART OF MY LIFE.
It's not a picture anymore.

2011-09-30T17:44:00.001+08:00

Hi !
I love Syahid.
I don't know why we are still friends.
I love to pampered him
I love to make him angry.
I love the mutant guy.

Plus, I hate the fact that I keep thinking of Fen, at times.

unpredictable.

2011-09-29T00:43:00.003+08:00

I hate flashback.
I saw someone who look like Fen.
Yes, out of all the people, why must it be like Fen?

Annoying. Unpredictable world.

The fact that Fen was the open minded soul mate with common interest. Pfft!

Misery.

2011-09-27T08:14:00.002+08:00

I don't really deserve this.
I hop out of my bed and begin to weep like a small girl.
It really hurt me badly.
I mean, you never hurt me this way before and make me cry until today?
and why is it be today?

Just reflect on what you said.

Sorry won't make any difference.

'The Third ♥

2011-09-26T23:28:00.006+08:00

Moving backwards.

June 27,
A month after I work as a new part timer, we added each other on facebook and contact through there. Side track, we were too quiet and only talk when we only need to. To be honest, i miss being that way. Be the awkward fine strangers. Back to the track, To be exact, the date was 25 june. It was funny conversation when I read back. How funny it was? I wasn't that sure. Amazingly, you pull through by asking for my number.

Skip to the time that I met you the first time at Orchard. How awkward for me. How sweet to wait for me there for a long time. It felt just yesterday, we knew each other.
The first time you hold my hands while we were seating in the train and jokingly teasing each other.

& three months had pass,

Ive missing you now and then.
You're being sweet and patience.
While i will be the childish small kid who crave for ice cream, chicken chop and random things.
I will start mumbling to myself and you will be wondering what am i saying and ask me why.
Be angry at me for jaywalking.
Be jealous when I did mean things such as club and date while you will be thinking about what in the world i'm doing.
Go out and spent time doing random things.
Bringing me to meet your friends and your brother was amazingly great.
I had a great time whenever I go out with you and appreciate every single thing you did.
We never get bored and never had enough of each other.
Thank you for everything.

&&

I know you forgot about all these even on the phone when I asked you about 20 minutes ago.
I'ma sad girl. :(
now.

hehehehe
Whatever it is, hope you like what i'm gonna give to you.
It's nothing big. I just feel happy whenever I get to buy you stuff.

Never ending, Love.

You have no idea what you have done to me, boy. I'm trippinggggggg~

'The Third ♥

2011-09-23T09:28:00.003+08:00

Self love for myself. Motivation and some random things. I miss my hair. I wish i didn't cut my hair.
I want my hair to grow longer. :((

& I can't stick to one colour anymore. I going to change it to another colour. or maybe black. heheheehehehe.

& yes, i miss my photography crew

When you close your eyes & everything gonna be over.

2011-09-22T21:12:00.008+08:00

I couldn't be bothered about the world. It doesn't only revolve around me. I took a steps backward ever-since months ago. I couldn't care less. Only me and some things that are important.
I might be very close of being a stuck up bitch. But oh well, who did change me being this way?
Can't be blame. And I shall not point out anything.

You called. You told me that they missed me ; the times we had, the one that I will be the # joker or being the sarcastic mean bitch yet funny. Things changed after so many things happened.
Put yourself in my shoe, going through alone when two of your wonderful friends attacked you mentally in mind using words. & keep running through your mind like the track of "everyday,i'm shuffling" The words were so strong that it didn't give them justice to prove to me that they are good friends. & some would actually report strength about you. Funny, how life work around this world.

I think, I ought to die. Ive been wanting to. I should probably consider committing suicide. I always have this feeling of going and leaving the world but I make myself as busy as possible so I could literally tell myself that there are things out there that i could count on and be happy about it.

Honestly, I am never happy.

The only thing I could do to please everyone is to smile and be happy.
Telling them that I'm okay and I'll be fine.
Telling them that I love them almost every day of my life to Syahid, Family, Psychology classmates, the eight of us and my other friends that i really mean it.

Because one day, I might snap out of it and leave everyone.
pretty much, I'm spouting almost rubbish here and probably half of you won't believe.

Which part of me, will you still believe?

I got nothing left.

Life is temporary.

(I need fresh air, i need to space.
My eyes are tearing while typing it for fucking no, i don't know why.)

****************************

& probably, I would like to thank Syahid for making me all secure always whenever I'm with him. Despite at times, I swear I look ugly depends on the place we're going.
However around him, I could possibly show my ugly self.
For a moment, life is good that point of time.
The way when he hugged me from the back when I was pretending to be upset that he do not want me anymore. The way he kiss my cheek or forehead whenever we watch tv or movie and put me around his arms. Nothing I could ask more.
Even if he feels insecure to let me go out to club/ contacting other guys or meet up with them.
The amount of trust he given me is what i am thankful of.
And he probably wouldn't know that Im in love with him more than the usual days.

days are numbered

2011-09-19T23:14:00.002+08:00

I never thought I could break down whenever I think of death. No, it's not about my death. It about your love-ones death. Yes, it kills me mentally. I always thought that I had something wrong with myself because i think a lot of negative side effects in my mind and when people look at me, ima different person. The part of moving on without your loveones to be by your side scares me where it was your daily routine but suddenly things change. You get what I mean?

& there I was, thinking and thinking and thinking. Sitting and crying to myself. Look at the mirror and tell myself how silly do I look. And wiping my nose that full of transparent liquid keep flowing out of my nose. So feeble and so sad life.

But despite all these, Syahid made my days better. And I keep missing the boy more and more even if he is infront of me. I still miss him. Sometimes, I just want to keep by my side and never let him go not even go to work. Heh. How selfish? I would kiss him all over. I wonder if he get irritated by it. And ask for more kisses. & some of the day, i would just love to be sad so that i could get attention from him. I love you babyyyy

Aeisx is my favourite and always be. The fact that he is nice,gentlemen,respectful,talented and a party animal, who wouldn't fall for him? & he always there for me since we're young. We talk about things, the date, the life, the day he won cooking contest, the amazing funny fight, the way he teach me how not to swear and such, the shatec days because he wanted to be a chef and awesomely, he did. His mother and Nana are sweethearts. Heart warming and lovely. Perfectly, I am happy for him as much as he is happy now. & at least, he spare a thought of me everytime when he saw me online.

2011-09-15T23:49:00.003+08:00

Do you know how many times I cry when every time I think of you before I go to sleep?

Almost every day of my night, no kidding.

& I miss my boy, Alfa.
Be home soon

A letter

2011-09-14T22:13:00.007+08:00

I always have this thought that I don't deserve someone like you. That the fact that I gave up on love a year or two years ago. I'm so immune and numb to it that even a slightest touch and feeling to be in love is not there. I tried, failed. So, I give it a pass. I can't be blame. Nature take place and took control of me. The environment that I'm having is like wild animals & late night season never ending. I couldn't say that I'm out of control. In fact, i'm in control.

I make friends with everyone. I choose those who can be trust and count on. & those who burn the trust and make it a distance, i have no choice but to say once bitten,twice shy. Well, that doesnt mean, I ditched you. It is just that I may treat you as acquaintance or friend with no extra fancy words behind.

Then in life, I came to conclusion that I should said nothing but keep the thoughts to myself. Be with who I wanna be, love who I want to love and stay with who I wanna be with.

Then came this guy, who love to suffocate me when i talk too much. Accept me for who i am. & fall in love deeply without any hesitation or regrets. I could say that i don't deserve him. It is way beyond expectation on how he give his attention, love, sacrifice and how he would give in to me just to make me stay and continue falling in love with each other.
On the other hand, I should admit to you readers that I'm fucking selfish. Selfish to the extend that I couldn't take this guy as my man even if I tell him almost everyday without fail that I love him. I hurt him multiple times without fail mentally and physically about almost small little things. Another thought, Who would cry for me? Other than my parents? Yes, him.
No words could describe how wonderful this guy could be and how stupid I am not to make him as mine. Definitely, you could blame me on me. Truthfully, I have my own reason and i could admit that Im selfish and stupid. & yet, this guy is still gonna be with me till the end.

If things doesn't work out in the future between us like how we plan it to be. I want you to know that you will never be forgotten. Honestly, I always think this before I go to sleep. I will ask myself,
"Will there be other guys out there that treat me like how you did?Love me like how you love me. Take good care of me no matter what happen. Even if we are in fighting terms, will the person be like you stay with me till the end of time?"
You're irreplaceable,hunny. That is how special you are to me. & I want you to know that. I love you endlessly.If in future, god forbid us to be together. I don't want us to stop there. I want us to start anew by then. Will you willing to do that if shit happen to us? You mean so much to me and you know that. Love you idiot. Love you.

& pictures below is the time where i slept 2 hours before I joined the rest for raya after work. Hehehehehe I almost paitao but I didn't. It nice to see all of them back. Love each of them. The best thing I ever had.

Apic' room. So pretty and naise.
gahs.

Definitely gay

2011-09-13T23:50:00.002+08:00

Another record : I'm home and way back early at 4.30pm.

Time check: 11.58pm
I'm watching Simfoni lebaran @ living room.

I miss 8 of us & Syahidddd~

But Syahid busy with Kumar, his scandal.

:((
\shall sleep now. update soon

2011-09-08T02:53:00.004+08:00

"The best bunch I ever had. I wouldnt treat them with anything else. Love you all. "
-Inia Iman.

So, I celebrated Pojan's 20th birthday @ CQ. For heaven sake of my lovely dude, I went to make free time for him after I nearly decided to retire from all these. But Thanks to them, I am thankful that my day was great.

I fall for someone on the dancefloor. I can't remember his name ( not that Im drunk ) But it's confusing between the names on my mind. It's start with A. heheheeheheeheheh
Such a sweetheart. We were taking care of each other and tagging along like kids.
Hold on your horses. My first concern was his burnt hand. But I didn't know I would fall for him on the dancefloor. We went around together like glue but he was busy with some chicks that he know. On a certain time, when I went to the smoking room, he grab my hand tight and follow me. He wouldnt want to let go. I could still feel the grip. On the other note, I couldnt trust him. However, I am thankful that at least he took good care of me.

I didnt pretty much dance. I did. I nearly dislocated my kneecap while getting high with Chelsea. That girl was preetty much high and tipsy. Yes, another lesbian partner I have. Uh huh! You know what I mean between me and chelsea. And another partner she had was with F.H.Stoner. It was epic.
& it's funny when chelsea scold the Caucasian that F.H.Stoner and I is hers. and how the Caucasian trying to hit on us. LOLOLOLOL

By the look of Im falling for that dude was errrrrrr................. Maybe i can't get enough. But I shall stick to my own while have a wide mind.

& i met a lot of famillar faces like Fatin, Mirah and more. Can't remember.
Goodness. Shall wrap everything for today and some of us said the sweetest thing .

************************************

Me: I gotta go now, I see you soon k. *going to hug*
Eh I cant hug you, your gf scold later. and alot of eyes.

Him : I don't care if they told my gf because you are my dearest friend i ever had.

Me: Awwwwwwww! that sweet. *hug* I see you around.

-Biman.

Me: Bye! Happy birthday! See you soon.

Him: *kiss on the cheek* *hugs*
Thank you. Love you. Thanks for everything. I see you soon k?

*hug again*

-Fauzan

I dont want to end

2011-08-26T00:12:00.002+08:00

I asked Adi about one particular question that doesn't ring any bell in my head.
& He gave me long answer of it.
Truly, He could understand me. What is my intention.

"they think they can love that person forever, thats when they're wrong

they dun understand yet that getting into something more till marriage..

they havent understand that friendship last longers

they dunno that they can love a person as a fren..

anyway frens last longer than relationship when young

to love that person more than just a fren till forever, thats when they're wrong "

I know this guy been honestly loving me whole heartedly. He gave everything that any of the girls could ask for. I thanked god that I found him. He have been a lovely guy throughout the whole time. Being patience with my pms or my worst god damn it attitude.Taking care of me when I'm sick.
Why good things must come to an end?

Somewhere, I know, whatever I'm gonna do, I will hurt you with or without you telling me.
And I do not want to end with you just like that or when we ended up fighting badly, we went our own ways and back to strangers.

How will you understand me?
I love you damn fucking much.
& it hurts me to leave you. It hurts me to say goodbye.
You're the nicest guy i ever met.

The way you kiss me on my cheek.
Hold my hand. Hug me tight.
Embrace the love that you given.
No one could ask for more.

Depressing night.

Goodnight all.

I love you Syahid.

Updated

2011-08-21T14:10:00.005+08:00

Finally, I had a day to let me breathe and give me a break of everything.
Looking at the time,passing by so slow. It is so nice being this way.
Life been complicated and busy weeks ago, managed to pull myself up.

On the other note, managed to find people who accepted each other the way they are.
I need to be thankful to God for different kind of things and reason.
For the amazing things that happened and amazing people that ive met.

Sometimes, I wonder how much I love God and the way Im living my life even if it is unperfect.

Start of something new.

I miss the people above very very much.
Two amazing group of people that I'll never forget.

random

2011-08-15T00:48:00.003+08:00

Pointless. I do not know what to say here.

Ive been home late for a week straight, i realized.
I know mum and dad are not happy but dad keep to himself while mum show her troubled feelings to me over the phone.

Honestly? My home seems like a hotel right now. Is where I only check in to sleep and shower then go out and be home and sleep again. Partly, I know it is rude to do that. I can't help it. I shall try to be home early and spent time with two of the love people at home and my annoying sister who always complain through sms that my maid is their new sister. As they see the maid more than they see me.
Hek hek hek, I always laugh infront of my phone when I sms with them.
Okay, I decided to behave myself and be early home from now on. (hopefully)

& this year,Hari Raya. I could bet 120 % of my life that I wouldnt be celebrating it.
I can't feel the vibe nor the eagerness of the celebration.
So, I decided to celebrate on the first day only and get back to work and school right after that.

Sidetrack : I miss my late grandpa a lot. Been few days, Ive been thinking of him.
I just miss teaching the kids in kindergarden especially Tarmise and Brendon.
I miss schooling and i miss secondary school days.
I miss my long hair.
(random)

Lastly, Happy 19th Birthday to Aisyah.
All the best in the future.

The end.
Boring post, boring ending.
Im half sleepy now.

pictures of last two days.
ADUKA POTTY TRAINING WITH HIS DADDY'S ARTWORK

ROMANCE BY THE DEATHBED .

Speak.

2011-08-14T08:10:00.004+08:00

Funny.

The feelings that been felt for the longest time, I wasn't that very sure until today.
What do i really want?

To be very sure, I don't want to leave you.

Never less, I love you.

Shit

2011-08-13T11:48:00.003+08:00

Ima curious person. The stubborn hot-headed girl that some of you have no clue.
Despite all this shit of being that way, the softer side of me is unpredictable.

But you know what is predictable?
When I give up with the word of "care and concern".

If i ask you a question that keep bothering in my mind and affect me that much & you refuse to because 1. the feeling will trigger back. or 2. it not my problem.
Then I wouldnt want to force it on you already.
Because

I don't give two shits about it anymore.
The next time or anything happen, I won't ask.

But then again, If i ask you this question, " what am i here for?"
I bet half of my life that not any one of you could answer.
That is how fuck up my feeling is.

I'm just saying.
& it's kinda spoilt my mood to get this crap shit early in the morning.

Part ni ; Aku da malas nk layan orang. okay bye

Good day everyone

The longest that I crave for

2011-08-13T00:58:00.004+08:00

12 August.
Lousy hp. This is Shahrin & his date.

I didn't expect it to be bonding and happy time for the two of us. We're laughed, we're share inside jokes, we're had a small cute argue but we end up by not knowing who won & while we eating, we could giggle by ourselve and we know what we meant by that. We made Shahrin & his date confuse and laugh at how silly we could be. We predicted about them. It's funny that we do many things together after a year or two, we're been missing and apart from each other. Deep down, we don't have to tell. We know.

& Thank you for being sweet throughout the entire night.. From the funny stealing fries from me, the dinner, the aladdin ice cream which taste like woman's breastmilk to the walk from CQ, to Fullerton to Peninsula to CQ back including the crazy bus trip and laughing our ass out by discovering im bisexual.

You never been this sweet before as far as i'm concern. I guess, it is because we're back single again and yes, more time for each of us to spend with.
Can't wait to see you in next two weeks with Sharin and his date again. Double the trouble for us.
I do not know if you read this but please don;t get touch by this.

& yes, What a stupid ass we are, we didnt take any picture. Okay i is sad.

& thank you for everything. :) plus giving me support to start by where I stop tomorrow.
Hopefully, they love how I will work with them.
Goodnight.

<3 H.

catch up

2011-08-11T00:45:00.002+08:00

Officially a workaholic bitch.
I couldn't stop occupying my time with work. I should stop that habit.
And as days pass by, i have seldom family bonding time with my cute annoying but yet lovely parents.

In between, I got to meet with the Usuals and Syahid. Either after work or time off for them.
Sometimes, I will bump on to Nurul who is busy with life just like me.

And yes, I can't wait on Friday. Meeting my favourite ever boy that I met in secondary day and never regret to know. He text me randomly just and asked me to break fast together. I was touched that I didn't make the effort to text him for meet up and for the longest time we didn't meet up. He finally have the thought of me in his mind and ask me instantly. Hazli must be proud to have his as a brother.

***************************************************************************

Zyk was right. He watched me grew up from the little annoying going through puberty girl to who I am now. Indirectly, when he pm me from one of Bim's picture, I knew what he was saying. I know what he meant.

He knew that I wasn't happy with life and living life unhealthily. He didn't asked. He didn't say anything. He teased. The message is to change for the better. It is a challenge for me. It's funny when we have this cross over feelings for each other and full of care and concern. The weird feeling whenever we meet up in groups and seldom talk to each other yet we understand. People thought funny about us but we denied. We did not want to make it happen.

Whatever it is, time will tell that life gonna be change for me.
6 months.......

& ps ; I prefer us being friends that understand our talk and problems

******************************************************************************
& my body is aching like old nanny. Whats wrong? This is annoying.
Okay, I shall stop updating. Shall post pictures soon from Yan's and the rest album

ALPHASHEILD!

2011-08-10T13:29:00.002+08:00

So I pop some pills, Alphashield and off to work even if it's off day.
I think it is stupid for me to believe that Alpha sheild give me energy when I am half gonna die with no energy.
Couldnt believe that I could actually take that offer to work today.
It's like I'm working the whole week straight without stopping.

I'm god damn it tired and sooooo,

I'm officially workaholic.

note to self

2011-08-06T01:44:00.002+08:00

In times like this, I feel that i need you badly.

I want you. Yes, you. I want you all to myself,selfishly.

& I'm being silly when I was the one who want to be your friend,

It's like altercation between the past & present; When I know that I'm not good enough.

And another that moving on wasn't part of the list either.

Life's a joke.

Inia, buck it up. You f-king have to wake up and live to reality and move on.

Every one gonna be the same like Fen.. Fad.... Fiz...

3 mother fuck doughe bag that kill you. Amazing.

Don;t let any one of them or just anyone closest kill you again.
-note to self

Specially for you.

2011-08-04T23:58:00.004+08:00

Dear you,

I'm glad that you didn't trigger my other distinctive personality and accept the choice of being my friend. I felt a little burden went out of me. I do not want to be selfish to keep you waiting or hoping. I do not want to be a liar nor the girl who use to be your world and destroy it.

I couldn't imagine if you trigger me and tell me that you wanna end it everything. I do not know what to react. I admit that I will not lose anything. However, I won't lie that I wouldnt be the same person that you know before. I would sleep over it. Get done and over with. And be cold blooded. I don't spit and lick it back. I hold on to words and remember it for life time. That's me.

Trust me, I do everything for a reason. I didn't do this for the sake of doing this. I didn't do this to hurt your feeling. I didn't do this to go with someone else. I didn't do this because you're not good to be with. You're perfect the way you are.

Faith - Do not have faith on me or on us. Have faith on yourself and your future. Whatever your weaknesses are, have faith and overcome it. You got long way to go, your school, your dreams and what you want. Having me by your side doesn't make a career out of you. Having me by your side is another responsibility you need to take care of. & I do not want that to happen before your faith.

I'm glad that I met you. Thank you for given me everything that you have; the love, care & concern.
The priceless thing that no one could ask for. Thank God that your parents took good care of you and you grew up really well. Your dad must be proud of you. I am proud of you for being the perfect person and be the way you are when you're with me as honest as you can be. Even at times, I could see pain, sorrow and tears through your eyes. Even when the times you wanted to cry badly infront of me but you held it back. Or the times when you want me but you cant have me in your arms and ask God, why is this happening to me and you decided to swallow the pain.

No matter how much you try to hide it, I can see it through your eyes.

You're not gonna lose me. As a friend, I am gonna be there for you through thick and thin. I'm not gonna go any where else. If one day, I do have someone else, I promise you that you will be the first to know that my love for you is very different from how I love him.

I might love him as my boyfriend. But you, you have the love of a boyfriend, a friend and someone close to this heart.

You do not know how much you mean to me. This words and whenever we meet up isn't enough to tell you how much you mean to me.

However, I hope that you would never give up on your dreams, your future and yourself.
Do a favour for me. Make your mum happy and proud of you. Show her what you got.

Plus, everytime you read my blog, don't tell me. Read it secretly. Don't ask me why or what.
Thank you.

Yours truly,

Inia Iman

Instax 210

2011-08-03T12:46:00.002+08:00

I shall grab this very very soon to make myself happy.
I want this badly.

Bahhhs, can't wait.

& cant wait to meet the rest soon.

I need life again.

Dead

2011-08-03T00:07:00.002+08:00

I just popped a few pills with coke.

I am hoping that I will never wake up tomorrow.

yes, fucking emo. Depressing.

No, Im not having sad life nor sad moment.

I had the best of 19 years living and i think I had enough.

& im thankful for everything

Especially when the part i got to meet Syahid. R in life who really love me for who I am whole heartedly.

I would ever forget him, never.
& I love him always.

I admit I must be stupid to let him go.

Fuck, Fuck up.

Hopefully, I pronounce dead by tomorrow.

( I realized that Ive been wanting to die since last year but god didnt want to )

Priority

2011-08-02T01:13:00.002+08:00

I told myself that i need to focus on something more important than myself.
What i intend to do just to make them proud.

To be more successful than ever.
To be something that i couldnt or even the rest couldnt even imagine.
I need to prove whoever wrong.

I graduated from Professional Certificate Of Counseling recently, Ive yet to tell my parents.

2 weeks later, back to school.
I miss my classmate.
We will taking diploma after that.
Not forgetting my English oral for O's

Soon, a year will be done.

I'm thinking to proceed to Bachelor straight without waiting.
Even in life, I have aims, I am still the soul-less creep you could ever imagine.

I need to set my priority right.

& not forgetting the sweetest sincere man i ever met for the past one month.
The one who is honest and being true to himself and giving his heart to me.
I couldnt find any word to tell you that my love for you is more than love itself.
I couldn't risk you even if you would take the risk.

I wouldn't want to let go of you either.
Sometimes, I just want to be in your arms and never let you go.
However I can't.

Therefore, I would call it to be close friends.
Maybe the future have something for us.
Keep it for the best.

I'm sorry if I hurt you.
I don't mean to do so. Hurting and letting you go wasn't on my list.

And always, I love you and missing you.

xoxo,
Inia Iman

Hardship

2011-07-31T23:14:00.002+08:00

I'm giving up.

The only thing I wish is to ................................................................

But God doesnt allow me too.

Change

2011-07-29T20:07:00.005+08:00

"I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." - Kurt Cobain.

After i read that, i realized that ive changed. I went haywire and become extremely rebel, stubborn, cold hearted sarcasm bitch. And one day i believe that i could really lose it.

I forgot who did i promise and i will hold on to the promise until i couldn't remember.
Promise that i could make a difference in people's life as many as possible.

It's not the feeling of what my ex's did to me or I'm afraid it gonna repeat.
No signs of guilty nor hatred to be found.
Do you know the feeling of no one there to be there for you when you're really down and feeble?
The ones who told you that they gonna be there for you no matter what. Be it your soul sisters, your best friend, your close friends, your boyfriend and whoever.
It is a lie.
A lie that could make you feel better.
The ugly truth hurts. No one could help you, no one.

I've been there and that is the worst part to see yourself struggling in pain and cost you to die and take half of your life away.

Going through the shit by yourself and got yourself depress and make you happy and depress and back to happy. That was the cycle of your life.
Words are cheap. Actions are easy. But to be there for someone is priceless.

have you had any idea to be ;
Stuck in your room surrounded by darkness not allowing anyone to enter your room for straight three days and your parents get worried for you. No signs of sunlight. No idea that three days past that fast. 4 years ago, it was still clear on my mind. I pick up myself and told myself that i need to wake up and get change and see this world in the clear picture.

I remember that my lecturer once told me this,

"If you keep continue,you might snap out defense mechanism and lose everything and feeling that you are not afraid of losing everything even to die because deep inside you,you are already human-less that are immune to pain, hurt, happiness and anger. Don't do this my child"

He said that as if he saw me born right from the start. I saw him holding up his tears while i consult him. He knew, I won't feel anything. Not even sorry for myself.

For a moment, I wish to have feelings that come from my heart.
All i have was from the soul less self.
Whoever I said that "I love you" to or gonna be there for them.
I meant it. I know it come from me but not.........................
Words are not enough to tell you how complicated myself is

Issues with myself#

I wish to die younger, no one know the reason why.
Death bed.

& My dear brother,
I don't wish to see you die inside after i read this.
You know how much Mira's,Dahlia and the rest love you.
Don't be like me. Not gonna allow that to happen.

this is what he wrote;

From the comfort of my voiddeck at 3.30am with a pack of Winston Reds & 3 cans of Redbull to company me due to that the Madame has fallen asleep.
//
Dear Fuckbook,
Lately, my life has been revolving around change. Changing to have a better personality, changing to get rid of the bad habits, changing to have greater respect for the people around me, changing to have self-respect, changing in all the ways to be a better person, changing just so i could have inner peace; just so everything can turn out smoothly. Change was never there till i met this very lovely Gem(the Madame), she taught me what change is, the HARD way. I was fucked right up initially(lesson learnt). Thank God i met her, now i understand how it's suppose to be, what it is. Everyone hate changes, no fucking doubt, but that is the only damn thing that has brought progress. People have been advicing confronting telling me i need to change. All the ways, i tried, succeeded in changing/removing certain habits, working on the others. Succeeded in having a slightly improved personality. But the thing is, change is a one hell of a big word. Trying so God damn hard to remove all this habits and unneeded personality, ending up removing the good ones. Trying too hard to change, i end up changing everything. Resulting in being someone i'm not, doing things not in my list of principles, behaving the way i'm not suppose to. Too much of this changes, i don't know who i was anymore, i don't forgot my priorities, i don't know how i'm suppose to potray, I was simply trippin/lost/misplaced/mislaid/squandered forgetting what i was really fighting for in this world. I wore this mask of Change too much, i forgot who i was beneath it. I got lost in my own ignorance.
//
That's when I was cast upon pondering what could have gone wrong in the process. My life was even worst than before, i was rather more pessimistic. I wasn't in peace. I wasn't having any tranquility. I was blinded, listening to what people got to say trying to absorb what was right when all along that was their own opinion/sentiments. Believe nothing, no matter what people got to say or who said it, no matter if i have said unless all this agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. Too naive, I change every single thing be it the good the bad or the goodbad badgood. Changing myself just to adapt to what others to say or think or feel,that is utmost degrading motherchi bullshit. Everyone got their own sentiments, everyone have their own opinions. Opinions are like shits, everyone have them, everyone wants to let it out. & i realise, i don't need to change to make them happy, i just need to change to make my life pleasant. Too engrossed to get all this done, i forgot to put life into my own living.
//
The bottom line is, Change is a big word, understanding the word is a first simple & cruciating step to getting it done. We're not suppose to change everything. Tt won't make us happy, infact it will worsen. Just knowing & understanding the things we want/need and removing the bad habits/behaviour/practice/personality we had. Cause in the end, too much change causes us to remove ourselves from within ourselves. *The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: DECIDE WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT*
//
"My style is really my style. It's not your style, sorry, it's my style. Because it's my style that's why it's call my style & not your style. That's my style."
- Phua Chu Kang
//
Yours truthfully,
F.F
//
(Disclaimer: Author has no intention to condemn anyone or whoever or whichever homosapien. All this is based on self-thoughts & self experience. May peace be upon you bitches.)

2011-07-29T01:24:00.001+08:00

Where were you when I need you?

Never less, I love you always.

f' up moment

2011-07-27T11:36:00.004+08:00

Probably, I lost it somewhere.
The first thing, I woke up, I found myself wanting to throw up badly for no reason.
Not the first but the second.

I don't know how or what that trigger this.
Then I ask myself again, "what happen?"

The soulless creep have no answer.
I could try to ask myself again and this time I should search deeply.

Hey, I dont give two shits about it. So, I passed.
I do not want to share with anyone.
Because
1. They don't understand.
2. I don't like to share.

3. Secrets is actually to be kept within yourself.

4. In this world, Act as nothing happen.

VERY GOOD?

& here I am,
Feeling that i do not want anything.
It means, Nothing.

Before you start to judge me,remember this. You don't know me. You don't know what Ive been through.You have no idea what made me who I am today.
& If you do know me, You don't know me too well and it not the same as hearing my story and going through the shit that i told you." -Inia Iman

2011-07-27T00:15:00.002+08:00

The soul less creep. The living dead. Yes, you name it.
Throughout the whole day, I was thinking about myself and keep asking the f-ing question over and over again.

Where the fucking hell I put it?
How could I forgotten?
Why the fuck I feel this way?

Issues with myself.

I lost it

2011-07-25T01:07:00.003+08:00

I love the way that I'm in your arms and your fingers playing around my back even if it tickles me sometimes as i listen to your heartbeat. Then I asked myself,"Where did my heart went all these years?"

I realized that I lose it years ago after my 4th ex bf left. It was like 4 years ago when I felt sick of everything. I couldn't feel my heart close to me,nothing. It's kinda sad that I am feeling this way.
I reflect almost everything.

When my grandfather, best friend, Tina & Fen left, I felt...........nothing.Honestly, part of me felt sad because they were my closest. However,I do not know why i am not really sad as I felt that I'm unbreakable. Then, I realized, I was immune to the pain. I've been there. I got over everything so fast that I sleep over it and the next morning, I wake up, I am the cold hear-ted person who live like there's nothing happen.

Came to the point that I realized I had no heart in me and i do not have true feelings.
I couldn't afford to keep it but be honest to someone that so true to me.
I couldn't hide either. All I know, one day or another, he might find out too.

It hurts to know that I hurt you badly because I promised I wouldn't.
It hurts to see you cry.

& honestly, I wanted to cry. I realized if I'm not strong enough to be there and stand by you when you're down, who will?
A lot of your pain in your eyes that I wish to take it away. But I don't know how.
I wish i could give my heart to you but I can't find it myself.

Even these words are not enough to explain why/how/where/what.

I couldn't say sorry to you.
Because sorry wouldn't do anything.
Sorry just a word that means nothing.
Sorry wouldn't fixed the feelings.
Sorry wouldn't make any different as I already hurt your feeling.

I wouldn't leave you not even my last resort.
For all I know, you could count on me.

(and fuck, where am i crying? )

Sincerely,
Inia Iman

2011-07-23T18:23:00.000+08:00

I don't know what to say. I cant expressed my feelings here.
All i know that i wanna finish my studying, fast forward to future.
I wanna stop till PHD. Thats all.

2011-07-20T01:28:00.003+08:00

have you ever felt that you had enough with your life? Where you come to a point that you have everything in life ; enough love, enough attention, enough of living even if you're nineteen?

I am there right now. To a point, I am satisfied with everything. I'm ready to put everything to an end. & Alhamdulilah, So far.. I have no problems in life at all. Everything went smoothly.

Nothing could be better if I could put each and every one of the people I love close to my heart and keep it there forever.

2011-07-18T00:35:00.002+08:00

It stays in your mind and become part of your memory when happiness wasn't just a happy pill.
Picture taken ; Friday, June the 15.
Missing Fauzan, Hamizan,Biman,Ernie and more. Haish.

I couldn't care less about my surroundings. Who stays or who don't? Who contacting with me or who is not? I may sound arrogant or selfish. The fact is that I'm standing alone at the end of the day deciding where to go and what to do in life and such.
Honestly, I'm pretty occupied with school and work.
When I have time, i will meet my friends or meet the boy.

& yes, for quite sometime, Im going out with this boy who is sweet as hell and willing to do anything for me. I'm serious. When he did that, i can't do anything to hurt him not a single bit. On the other hand, I can't be with him because I have no intention to be in relationship.

& people above, they make my world unforgettable and thankful always.

Goodnight

Even these words are not enough

2011-07-13T08:58:00.000+08:00

My royalty is with you

2011-07-05T16:18:00.002+08:00

It kills me. I never felt this way for such a long time. The pinch of hurt made my eyes holding so much of tears and pain. I realized that human love to take advantage of the nicest thing and they dont realized that they are pushing it till you cant take it anymore. I wouldnt want to say i am falling for you but the sweetest things you did, i couldnt forget. Deep down, we know what was our feelings towards each other. Why would we lie? I dont wanna blame anyone. Im too tired for this, too tired to think.

The key to happiness is loneliness.
If it takes to be that way for me to be happy always, I will take that risk.
Life is unfair the way it is but i cant expect anything coming from anyone or life.

I dont want us to end it here. Not right now.
I wouldnt want to say goodbye but you take that last call.
You dont know how much you mean to me.

I'll be fine. The world will be fine.
I need to be strong,real strong.

Love, Inia Iman
May God bless you all.

2011-06-27T14:56:00.002+08:00

It's funny when look can be deceiving. & the power of my course to mindfuck people.
Funny yet lame. Contradicting the whole thing again and fall for confusion.

Thanks to Allah that I have great awesome friends here.
Couldnt ask HIM for anything else.

Oh shit, where is Shukry now?!

2011-06-25T00:30:00.001+08:00

When you feel happy and got everything in life.

You just feel empty inside.

2011-06-22T12:07:00.003+08:00

I do not want to make the same mistake again. I wouldn't want to turn back time,either. & For sure, I won't come back to you.
Because I left my heart with you. & you crush it. I tried to hear your voice again to make sure that my feelings are there for you. I was wrong. It was nothing at all. No vibes. No missed. Just plain ol bores me up. You can suck it up back your effort coz' you're wasting your time. I love my life now. The way it is.

2011-06-21T10:35:00.002+08:00

Hi Dad & Mum,

I love you and I miss you both. Thank you for loving me even though I'm naughty all the times and you know, misbehave! Heheheheehehe!

Oh, just a random post. Because you can see your hardly cute daughter at home. Saturday and Sunday, she will be out - working together with her mischievous business. While on weekdays, she will be out roaming like GPRS. heheheheheheheh.

Love your daughter,
Adele.

2011-06-20T10:53:00.002+08:00

The one soul that keep playing on my mind.
The one soul that made me think

The one soul who stole my heart.

I never regret any of it.
Not a single bit.

I perangai

2011-06-18T23:32:00.000+08:00

It's funny when I'm tired and i feel like going home. I didnt even make my move from mc cafe to go home. I dont eve feel like going home that early. Yes, Like what the fuck Inia. Maybe because I tend to go home as late as 2am or 4 am, hanging oout with awesome friends. The truth is I feel awkward if i go home early. On the other hand, it's nice to be home, to be with your family and to spend quality time with them.

Oh yeah, Did i tell you that I'm at Mc cafe now? And wearing like two thick clothing because the aircon is as cold as Atlantic ?
Heheheheheh Atlantic? As if I went there before! Hehehehe In my dreams, Inia... In my dreamss
& worst, My phone went dead on me at 8pm just now. 1. difficult to reach Zimah who is at the beach party. 2. How am i gonna contact the rest. 3. I will be home late as usual. Beerfest? Sentosa? Town? I even confused myself to spend my time with who. The best solution I could think of is sitting at mc cafe and start bitching with myself on blog and twitter.
So here I am with mocha, updating you what's happening.

In my life, I just realized my brain get tired easily after psychology class. Because it got to do with a lot of cognition. Your face looks pretty shagged as if you had sex with your boyfriend for 5 rounds.I'm not the only soul even some of them agree. Sometimes, School feel soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fun and it do not make you feel you're in school. I couldnt say that it's a waste of time,partly. I keep telling myself to get done and over with. Just one year, Inia. Just one year....
& I thought of continuing my studies straight away after that. Go to bachelor without holiday in the middle. But to think back again, I need to have a break. Maybe KL with the asswipe. Jakarta or Thailand. It depends on their budget and mine.

K, i dont feel like blogging already. Bye. I perangai. HAHAHAHAHA

:)

2011-06-14T23:29:00.003+08:00

Early morning, I was missing you.
Then I kept myself busy and lost at Langsat road to collect cake from a friend.

When I was on my way to school and thinking about you.
There you are baby, at the bus stop, smoking and was shocked to see me.
I took one step backward and stop. My friend was wondering why I did so. My face was shocked but happy at the same time.
I walked towards you and hugged you even if you smell of ciggies. hehehehehe~

Yes, I miss you that much baby. And all you got was to show me your sexy new red phone. You make me jealous and i have no choice to say goodbye to you as i am late for class.

You told me that not only your hp is sexy but the person too. I disagree because i think your hair is much more sexy than usual. You agree with that always and like it. Okay, what the fuck Inia? Why are you talking about hair? And yes, I miss my hair,by the way.

Urgh depressing much.

I shall update about my 3 months future plans.

I miss you.

2011-06-14T00:28:00.003+08:00

All i want is to meet you and spent my time with.
The way you took good care of me when we go out together with friends. You will randomly hold my hand and walk like as if it was okay or make a joke out of it or something else.

You will wink randomly and make me blush. Call me names about who i look alike with. Spoon feed me when we had our dinner/lunch together. Being as sweet as possible when you dont realized it. 24 hours of joke coming out from you.

Why do you have to live so far away? :((
Or else we would meet and hang out almost every time of our life as much as we could.

Goodness, You see you do make a different in my life.

Kiss me like how you did for the first time again.
love you bay.

It wasnt plan

2011-06-13T13:33:00.002+08:00

"Things that i didnt knew about myself. Things that i discover about myself. Things that I will keep as a memory. All of us are the actors. The world is the stage. We make a history out of it. We build love & bonding with the simple action & words. There's no words to describe how I really feel. I cherished every part I went through in life even if it means to get hurt but in the end, it is worth it. Love you." - Inia Iman

Credits to Dahlia I.'s camera.

B.A.A.I

2011-06-12T23:13:00.004+08:00

11 July.
I've kissed a girl and I like it.
It seems like a song but it was real. tongue locking.im straight however I'm just shocked that I'm that brave. & i like it, honestly.

Then a peck from the sweetest. So pure and sincere. Friendly and love. Wouldnt want to forget this from you.

Lastly, the make out from the closest adorable much. If it wasn't any of the two cutest jackass, we wouldn't do it. The first 5 secs felt wrong coz we didn't expect it even if our mouth met and our tongue locked. We stopped and look away. The two asswipe looking at us as if it was a movie with roasted peanuts on their hands. Mother ass. Persuading with another 10 sec, deal of 15 sec.

Me and you decided to get done and over with. We make out. The feeling was undescribe-able. I couldn't say I like it. It's funny. Too funny . Weird. I would smile to myself. In me, I felt we're just develop a bond between us. I don't know about you.

All along,we're been treating each other like friends with benefits or friends that we could joke,chill with and flirt whenever we feel like it. We went extra miles. And I don't know about you.

Thanks to that night. Everything were memorable. I love you people. Thanks to the awesome true and dare and some of the dirty little secret.

May Allah bless you and be with you all. :)

2011-06-08T13:02:00.002+08:00

I would want to make a different in people's life when I'm successful.
I shall hold on to my words.
those cancer kids, cancer patience, disabled kids and more touched this cold hearted heart.
I believe in this.

Insya allah.

the reason

2011-06-04T00:35:00.002+08:00

I don't need anyone to stand beside me and hold my hand to tell me that he love me. I don't need to feel love from special ones.

Because right from the start,I know that I received much more attention and love from the special. I couldn't thank him as much as I want to for everything.

Life is perfect with rough edges. deal with it or suffer the misery.

2011-06-02T00:08:00.002+08:00

Before

You just took one step forward out of your comfort zone.
You can do it, Inia.

Dont be afraid.
be hungry for everything.

Sideline : Thank you to John and the director of T & G.
Highlighting left!

Inia.

2011-05-30T12:12:00.002+08:00

When I had my name as ' Inia Iman', I have a vision of who she is, what does she looks like, her personality wise etc. Inia that i want people to call me is just not about her original name herself ; Aini. Inia is a different kind of Aini which she wanna show the world as. However, I didnt have the chance to show the world. Until there's a certain point of time, where i would snap it out and tell myself that I should show the world who is Inia really is. I'm gonna use this opportunity for me to shine.

Lady Gaga once said," if you do not have a shadow, you're not into the light"

I'm gonna be m.i.a in 3 months. I update once in the blue moon or whenever i feel like it.

I'm sorry if some won't like the changes. That's how I want Inia to be like.
Aini is just being the self girl. Inia is a different person.

One night.

2011-05-28T11:33:00.003+08:00

Past midnight: From the stupidity of me taking train from yew tee to jurong east then took jurong east train back to ang mo kio because i think it's nearer to town then taking the cab and talk bullshit with the uncle. Everyone was waiting for me at Starbucks. Hehehehehee~ & I was so slack all the day. Each and everyone of us wearing slipper and proceed to Clarke Quay. When we reach at clarke quay,it's already one. Then we went to eat beside this indian coffeeshop located just beside the bollywoood disco. While eating, some gelek-gelek abit, sick right? Yes, I feel like treating them the food and I did. They were like "shooocute, shooo naise" We bought two murtabaks plate. 3 big triangles in one plate.

Zyk gave me one big piece of murtabak after I finished 1 of them. Then that murtabak , i eat a quarter of it and give it to Alfa. Then left another one triangle murtabak in the other plate that Fauzan suppose to eat. He did but he left a small portion. & we divided into two and eat it. Everybody look like they been forced to finish it because Faa said that ,

' Rezeki jangan membazir ah... "

Bim was sweet though, while jaywalking at the most busiest road @ Clark Quay, he grabbed my hand and say, " let gooo aini... run jom" And we were blabering some crap shit about the drunktards there. Most of the time, we're singing some song on our head.

I became the GPRS to Zyk while sending me back home. He is unsure about the road. I think I can drive already but you know, i need to take car license. I was thinking about that sooon! Alfa make the rules of, " Who sleep in the car will be kick out." So Fauzan share his song with me, listening to trance while our hands shuffling and our eyes clothes at the back of the car.
While Faa, Bim and Zyk listening to hardcore song at the car.

It was their first time, hitting to the west side and i really wish i will move to the east side. Okay, I'm sad okay! Everyone is in the east and I'm the west. Difficult for me to meet them and I always meet them at town. Very angry already, must ask mum to shift house.

Because there's no bus or car at 3.30, my place looks like the punggol and sengkang. Very quiet and dark and very ulu. hahaha. So they were like, " siakkk ahhh dalam peee rumah, ni you say drop you at yew tee and you walk? "

& they did not believe that i stay at this block 666. Until they saw it, All of them was like,' Satanic block. k aini, you power already. Aini_yewteegirls@hotmail.com." I didnt take much picture coz my battery gonna die soon. But yes, here are the east boys.

Thank you guys for the night. See you soon .

I'll update you soon about what fauzan said in the car that touch me most and impressed me.
& what im planing to do in future which i told Dzul at the Msn

2011-05-25T00:53:00.003+08:00

I woke up with the same position that Ive sleep for the past 3 hours. My make up is still on my face and my curly hair turn to be those loose curls.

I realized that I need to start a life. A life full of meaning, happiness,adventure and feel contented. I am having a life right now. However, I need to change it.

I want to be something more than I could be. I'm having high expectation. I am very thankful however I need to raise the bar up to another level. I'm ready for it.

Changing life is also changing my personality, itself. One of the change will be that lesser mean. However, I would be a very frank person with open mind.

& I wouldn't want to be eveil not taken advantage with.
I'm not gonna be the nice and nasty girl. So what do I mean?

It's up to you to find out.

Bump day

2011-05-24T18:24:00.002+08:00

I am stressed right now. I studied for 4 hours when I tried to remember, I cant recall. My brain is jam. However, some people just make my day especially ; Faruq, Adli and Shafiqah!

I could my day ; "bump day"
I bump more than 5 people today.

Faruq

Adli

Shera

Ika

Fairuz Diyana

Sri.

Sri's friend, (i forget his name)

Nissiel.

Mrs Kalai.

Fauzi

Mus.

This people made my day.
Alright, I should take a nap and continue studying.
Urgh. depressing

Something came up

2011-05-23T01:28:00.002+08:00

You wanna know something about me right now?

I'm going to be MIA.
I couldn't care less about anyone else because I'm selfish.

This blog still on as usual. I update you about life.

Life as a teenager. As a selfish brat like me. As a party animal. As a loyal blogger. .

I just admit im selfish. At least im not hypocrite. Okay bye